Please, let me fuck your mom
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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