my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
