Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
