I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
