"it" just moved
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
