i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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