I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She needs sedatives and a leash
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
