She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
