DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
