The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize