she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
