Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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