the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
