Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
