I think my fart just growled at me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
