I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
