Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
