My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
