I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
