just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
