you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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