dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
