Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
