you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
