Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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