a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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