i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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