My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
