the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
