it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
