i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
