I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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