so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
