just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
