And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
