Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
