are you still at the devil's house?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize