i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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