Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
