people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
