I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
