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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
