i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
