The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
