It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
