just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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