I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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