my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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