I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
