Just cropdusted the office
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
A+ Viking dick
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
