if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize