What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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