Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
