he wants to bone in the snuggie
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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