mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
