Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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