How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
