she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
