Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
