Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
