My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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