He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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