I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
