i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
