Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
