Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
