Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
