it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
