Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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