he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
