Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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