I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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