just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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