Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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