I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
