So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
