Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
