Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
