Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
please don't ironically join a cult
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