i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
