she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize