I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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