Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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