She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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