Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
