Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
