Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
