his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
