yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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