I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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