you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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