My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
