She said her name was "party"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
