I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
