found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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