I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
