Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize