ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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