I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
