This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There are leaves in my underwear?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
