well you can't waste a boner
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
