see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
