I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
