I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
