take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
