Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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