Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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