So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
