when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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