guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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