I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
