Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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